User name; Is.that.a.rib?.no? Age: 16
I started mainly with anxiety and social disorders that started with my mothers illness and having to witness it and listen to her constant criticism me and my mum weren't close until 1-2 years ago since she got better .. i got bullied from the ages of 11-15. my ed started when i was 12 and it was emotional eating. nobody liked me but i liked food. i would consume over 3000calories in one meal but since i suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomiting) bulimia never kicked in. and never will.
My weight has went up and down so much over the years.. my lowest weight was 7 stone when i was 13, and had just turned vegetarian, i looked gorgeous and so different. my highest weight was 11 stone 5 pounds may of 2010 i had turned to a junk food veggie. i saw a picture of me at my cousins christening, i looked like a whale :( that kicked Ana into her highest ever gear. she took my period, my boobs, by bum, my life!!!
I ate barely nothing over summer. i survived on as little as 0 calories and never ate more than 500.... but then it effected my mental health and i tried to overdose. i can't really remember much about that night. it was the middle or end of September. and a Sunday night i remember taking 4 depression tablets because i wanted to sleep, but i was told i took 22. i wanted to numb some pain. i didn't wake up that Monday. when i woke on Tuesday. i literally fell back onto my pillow. my limbs wouldn't move. i opened my eyes and the room wouldn't stop spinning. i managed to get out of my bed and then fell on a heap on the floor. i was shaking and stuttering nearly unable to talk. i was spaced out and literally not there. my father said i starved my brain and it wanted to finish it.. i started recovery the next day. and have been trying since but it really is hard. you stop thinking about food and end up sometimes eating nothing or eating everything. but i feel great. my period was there this month for the first time in 6 months, my hair is shiny again. my anemia symptoms are reduced. and i am happy.even though there is no way i want to relapse. sometimes its hard to stay fat in a thin world.
Name: Cazzie Age: 16
..and this is my story. I'm a sixteen years old and i am insecure. i don't like the word "self esteem" i think it sounds stupid so i don't like to use it but basically i just feel shit all the time. like I'm not good enough. i have 3 older sisters and they're the best!
one of them is absolutely stunning, the other one is extremely smart and the other one is so funny and witty. that what the whole family say about them. i like to kid myself that I'm the one with all three trates but I'm not. i feel like I'm nothing next t them. my best friend is gorgeous and super smart but she knows it and can rub it in my face sometimes which hurts a little but at the same Tim she is quite insecure too. every time someone offends me i just think okay i can't eat anything, I'm the thinnest and I have to stay that way.I've always been a little underweight, I'm a fussy eater and don't eat a lot. people used to be amazed at how skinny i was and would compliment me often. t was the only compliment i ever got. i started to gain a little weight to the point where i was just n the healthy range. the compliments stopped. i felt shit. i may only have one good quality but it's better than none at all so i am going to keep the one god thing about my body i am happy with. my thinness. to bad i don't feel like I'm quite thin enough yet. i will be soon.
Name: Hannah .... Age: 17
Anyway, I'm 17.
I've always been a little overweight, I guess. Ever since middle school anyway. I started losing weight freshmen year because I knew I was fat. I was like 160 pounds when I started out. And being only 4'11, that was really hard for me. As time went on that year, I got braces and started to lose a little weight but i was still "fat". So, anyway, February (maybe April, I don't know...but it was in the spring) of my sophomore year, my doctor put me on a pill called phentermine. It made me amazingly less hungry. And I lost like 20 pounds in a few months...that summer was really when it happened though. Well, I know that doesn't have anything to do with my eating disorder and yet it does. That summer, before junior year, i was down to 116 pounds. but i gained a little back. but was only around 125-126 next time i went to the doctor. Anyway, I gained around 10-12 pounds that year. (so was about 138-139) And I started trying to starve myself some time in June this year. It didn't really work and I realized it was stupid and I couldn't do it. But then, in July, I started to chew and spit out food. I did it as an experiment at first (don't ask, I know I'm stupid) But then it spiraled into something crazy. I would constantly do it. All the time. Even in restaurants and at people's houses. And then I'd get where I couldn't take it anymore, and I'd binge. Then, I became increasingly obsessed with exercise. I'm not good at them, but I'd do upto like 100 push-ups (my way...but that's still a lot, I guess) a night. Then, I became obsessed with walking. And I HAD to walk 10 laps EVERY day. It's a daily struggle still. I can't stop. It's hell. I've lost weight. And am currently around 122 pounds. My lowest has been 118. My weight fluctuates 5-10 pounds. I'm still trying to lose weight. My ultimate goal weight is 80 pounds. At first it was 100. Now it's 80. See, what I mean...
Name: Alyssa.... Age: 21
My problems all started when my mother killed herself when I was 7. I started eating less just because my mother's death impacted me so bad. By middle school I had started adjusting and eating more then my step mom, noticing started saying things like "why do you eat so much" and "you're going to get tubby if you keep that up". I then became a cheer leading flyer and became super self conscious about my weight. When the girls would toss me in the air, if they would grunt I would feel fat and stop eating for a week or until I felt light. Through high school I would restrict and then started binging and purging. I was sent to a mental hospital for 1 month when my step mom walked in on me purging. I was then put on tons of meds to "control me". I then got kicked out and moved in with my grandmother minus the meds. My last year of high school I got pregnant and had a little boy who came early because of my inability to eat properly. Immediately afterwards I got pregnant with my daughter and put on a bunch of weight. Even though I ate healthy she still came early. After that I got birth control and started doing meth to get thin. I got really thin but in the process I lost my kids to CPS. 6 moths ago I got clean and started putting on weight again. I then went back to my old ways of restricting and purging whatever I do eat. I grow tired of this disease and everything involved in it. It wears me down and I hope for recovery. Whether or not I can I don't know, but I want to be happy with myself at last.
Name: Kia Age: 17
growing up wasn't that hard. We moved around alot because of my fathers job. When I turned 4 I had already lived 4 places. I always knew, I was bigger than everybody else... but when we moved from Denmark to faroe islands everything just got worse. I didn't know the language, and I was raised in a whole different way than the other kids in my class. In school you weren't supposed to say anything, and in Denmark you where supposed to say something all the time! I didn't fit in, in the society, so I started to eat. Alot. I was only happy when I ate. This was happening while I was 8, so I don't remember much. I do remember I was picking up food from the ground, because I didn't have anymore food or any money to buy more. Everything was about food, and I had to eat all the time to forget my loneliness. It turned when I turned 12. Somebody told me, I was a bit heavy so I started dieting while playing handball. The kilos fell off really fast and I was happy... but not happy enough. I wanted to lose even more. Before I turned around I had lost over 10 kilos (22 lbs) I was afraid of being stuffed and fat... so I told my mother. She got concerned and took me to the school-nurse. She said, it was a good idea talking to a doctor. And I did. The doc sent me to a shrink. While all this was happening, my sister was getting bullied in school. She didn't know what to do, so she started bullying me. She texted me, saying I was the worst sister ever, if I wanted to play with one of the few friends I had, instead of her. She would keep me in the house for days, only allowing me to go to school. I had to say no to every single friend, wanting me to play... and I felt so bad. I had very few friends, and telling them I couldn't come over, because I had to play with my sister, wasn't that funny. So I got a shrink... and he was ridiculous. He didn't have a clue what anorexia was about, he just gave me a diagnose, and figured if he weighed me a couple of times, it all would be over with. He told me if I got under 54 kilos, (119 lbs), he would IP me. At that time I was 50 kilos (110 lbs). Every time I was getting weighed I put on heavy clothes (yes I was being weighed with my clothes on!), and drank a lot of water. He wanted to discharge me, because I said I was fine, when he asked how I was. My mother was furious. She told him, I wasn't near being fine! I wasn't eating I'd start to purge after every meal, and even cut myself. I was sent to another therapist, but this time it was a woman and a music therapist! At that time in my life the only thing who could have saved me, was music. I loved it. We didn't use all our time talking about what I ate, but playing music. Sounds strange, but if you're a musician, you understand why that was therapy for me. It helped, but I got diagnosed with depression. I got happy pills... and they wasn't helping me. They only made my body hurt and took away my appetite completely. (It was fontex, giving to bulimics so they can't binge. I don't know why they gave that to an anorexic!) I changed brand and the new ones (Celestine - Zoloft) was making me a zombie. I wasn't happy nor sad... I just didn't care. One day when I actually cared a little bit, I flushed out the pill I was supposed to take. (at that time I was taking; anti depressives, 2 different kind of painkillers and vitamins) I was drugged all the time and I was tired of it. I've never taken a happy pill since that day. I went to a continueation school in Denmark (a school where you live in). I got a fantastic boyfriend whom I'm still with today, 2 years after. I got bullied once again at this new school. I was different again. The youth in Denmark isn't the same as it is in the faroe islands, and all the other students soon figured out, I was different. That made me eat a lot again. I couldn't stop eating, and I drowned my sorrows in food. I gained about 17 kg (37 lbs). I was fat, and my boyfriend told me. He was right, when he said, my stomach was getting big. Then my friend died. She was 14. I didn't know how to get my sorrow off my chest, so I stopped eating again. I even purged at a pizza bar after eating one piece of pizza... I ate an apple for breakfast with a cup of coffee, lunch was a bit of salad, and dinner was 4 or 5 pieces of cucumber. The continueation school ended and I went back to live with my parents. It didn't turn out to be any better. One night they heard me purge, and I was off to see a shrink. I went 11 times to one shrink and decided she wasn't the right one. She was actually ridiculous. She wasn't interested in me at all... She stared out in the air, and keep switching position in a chair who barely could fit her big ass. I went without therapy for 4 months or so, and it all got worse. I went from only purging once or twice a week, to 4 or 5 times a day. Eventually I lost 17 kg (37 lbs). I finally got accepted into a Eating Disorder clinic, and I am still there today. I stopped purging for 3 months and I ate normally, but not so long ago I relapsed. I binge and purge sometimes, but mostly I restrict to 300 calories a day. I am getting discharged from the clinic very soon, and then I'll be out in freedom, free to lose all the weight I gained, when I was eating normally. I've been suffering from BED, Anorexia and Bulimia for almost a decade now, and I don't think I'll ever be healthy and normal. that was my story. Use it to learn, looks isn't really something to die for. xo Kia
