If only people understood.. and not judged

I tried to tell one of my friends today, to see if they could understand. Turns out I'm stupid, and pathetic, yeah thank you for the support and help. It's really got to me that my friends can't seem to understand what I'm going through. They refuse to see the real reason I'm like this. I try to tell them that I didn't just decide that I have to be skinny, that I have to see my bones, that I have to be 'perfect' (perfect? What actually is perfect these days) Why can't they just except the fact I watch what I eat, and just leave me alone instead of making non-funny jokes about it -.- Like 'oh look how nice the chocolate bar is' or 'mhmm... this taste good do you want some.'

I think I'm going to have to seriously think about my friends and where they stand, yeah they maybe looking out for me but their taking the piss, laughing about it, making it into some sort of joke seriously? No their not real friends. But I'm glad I have online friends like the girls on PT and also Alyssa she helps me a lot, and she really understands too, also David M he's been there for me all the times through the good and bad its just a shame we haven't met in person yet. The best thing is that he doesn't pretend that he knows what I'm going through he just understands by reading my blogs, and to what I say to him. He's a real sweetheart, the kindest lad I've ever spoken to.

Anyway enough about my heartless friends, the song which has really got me through today is

Christina Aguilera - Fighter
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

 I relate this song to be because some of the lines like;
'Cause I've had enough, You were there by my side' - The weight.
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame' - Because I eat, I've gotten fat and ashamed.
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't known just how capable I am to pull through' - The people that don't understand or who have 'bullied' me.
'Cause is makes me that much stronger, Makes me work a little bit harder' - Exercise.
'Make me learn a little bit faster, Made my skin a little bit thicker' - Exercise/Skin laying across my bones.

'Never saw it coming' - the ED

'All of you backstabbing' - the friends?

'Cause you dug your own grave' - the future if I carry on

'After all of the fights and lies' - people saying I'm perfect

'Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore' - Nasty people.

'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture, I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down' - temptations'

Take care x